People never seem to fail to fail you. I feel like when people do things for others they have a hidden agenda to ‘get what they want and leave’. They use people. They only think of themselves. They are so self-absorbed that they have NO idea what is going on in someone else’s life. They act like it’s a chore to go help someone. They act like it’s a chore just to SPEND TIME with someone. I feel like it’s that whole ‘Me, myself, and I” factor. I wish half the people I knew treated me the way I wanted to be treated. How I treat them.
I told Eric (my fiance) tonight, finding friends is the hardest thing to do. When you try to invest in people and befriend them and they want absolutely nothing to do with you. Or they treat the so-called ‘friendship’ you have with them like crap. It hurts. When it’s convenient for them, they will be your friend. It’s not like dating where the guy is mostly either afraid of commitment or just ‘isn’t that into you’. Friendship is more personal. It’s like your personality (you, the person God created perfectly in His eyes) is being rejected. Unloved. Unwanted. Rejection just flat-out hurts.
Sometimes the people who reject you are even related to you and that sucks even more. I have been praying for the longest time to have compassion for people, to think of others. To love on them like I want to be loved on. To call people beautiful because I want to be called beautiful. At this point I feel whatever. I will go on loving people, but by the grace of God. If I had to choose, I would tell everyone to get bent, haha. God still has to do much with my heart because it’s still sweet and sour, like those little Sour Patch Kids commercials lol. Oh man… I’m done ranting. Good night!