“Be still and know that I am God…” – Psalm 46:10

 

Here lately my mind has just been bombarded with health issues and doctor appointments, but days like today make me feel renewed. I’m guilty for not never going outdoors much, but I’m taking advantage of the gazebo my dad just bought for the backyard and sitting under it most times doing nothing. Today I’m with my laptop while the wind tousles my bangs in front of my face trying to glare into the already hard-to-see-computer screen. It’s peaceful out here. Any time I look out into nature, the sky, trees, the sound of birds chirping… it just takes me back to an appreciation of God’s creation. He’s so big and so thoughtful about everything He created, everything has its own function in life. It’s the harmony of it all that makes it so beautiful. Our God is a God of details, this God knows the number of hairs on our head (even when it’s thinning). He tells the wind where to blow, isn’t that amazing? Nothing surprises God.

Sometimes we wonder how God can help our chaotic lives, but if He can keep the world in motion, I’m pretty sure He has us when the doctor tells us bad news or no news at all – meaning more doctor appointments and money if the pain is still there. 

I’m supposed to be getting ready right now because I have a long day ahead of me, but I just wanted to write this blog real quick to encourage people who never take quiet time to themselves. Be alone. Be quiet. Be still. Make time to pray and clear your head of the junk you’ve been thinking about all week. Don’t wait until you’ve had a nervous breakdown to be alone in your room crying with your face to the floor. Do we need those times? Yes, once in awhile, but if you find yourself doing it more often than not… Be still and know He is God :)!

On a lighter note, I want to share a picture that made me laugh today. I hope it makes you LOL too hehe… ❤

Image

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Stress and trusting in God.

Pray More

I talked to my sister not long ago about this and how we say we have faith, but our attitudes express otherwise. You can pray every day, read your Bible, and say “Yes Jesus, I trust Your will for my life!” but then when you come back to reality you start snapping at people. Whenever I start being mean and having an ‘attitude’ it’s because I’m stressed out and worried about a million things. It’s like being in a constant state of being ‘unnerved’. At this point of my mindset, my faith is circumstantial because if something rubs me the wrong way I’m going to fly off my wagon (whatever that means LOL! – I was born in a country household).

I will admit I can be a bit OCD about things, if even one or two things are out-of-place in the house, I need to clean them, right then, right now. The same thing applies when I have a to-do list. In the next few weeks I have so much stuff going on and all I can think of “Is everything going to be okay?” I get anxious about it. I think where I’m trying to get healthy, now adding a bunch of dental work on top of that, and now doing a million things at my church, I feel overwhelmed. If I’m being honest, my stress, although it’s a sin in and of itself, turns into an even bigger sin. I start nitpicking at things and I’m not content. I have to constantly apologize for things, just ask my husband and he will tell you. I don’t like being like that and I don’t know about you, but I feel alone when things start piling up. That I need to ‘carry this burden’. I can’t expect anyone else to help. I’m so quick to do my freak out dance that I forget I have God who helps me carry those burdens. I’m not meant to do it on my own. I also need to realize that I need to go to my husband more often because when I told him the things laying on my heart yesterday I just wept on his shoulder. He reassured me everything was going to be okay and I believed him. God’s Word reassures us that everything is going to be okay too and we need to believe that as well. We need to take God’s Word for face value.

No wonder some of us have anxiety, we try handling things that are out of our control. I caught myself yesterday just needing to take a break and breathe. I could feel my chest getting tightened up it was that bad. I wonder how many times I’m going to have to learn this lesson from God. Trust me girlfriend or you guys out there, when you think you’ve got your walk with God under control and you have it down to a T, you don’t. Our faith can be shaken, but let’s not be moved. At the end of the day, all we have is the Savior. When everything falls apart, when everyone fails you, God will still be on His throne in His perfect righteousness. We have to stop looking down and at our situations and look up – our hope should be in heaven. If you feel like you’re playing ‘catch up’ in life, you’re not the only one. I’m there too and I feel like I’m always behind in this world that is always moving forward.

It just dawned on me now that when I had told my sister I had been stressing, she reminded me my worth was in Christ. I thought to myself at the time… “Okay, well what does that have to do with stress?” It has everything to do with it, because the things we stress out about is the things we usually find our worth or value in. We find success in these things going well, whether it’s a relationship or job, we worry about the status – where is it going? We go back to being circumstantial. If you lose your job, if they cut your hours back, if your relationship is failing, if you have no friends, if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, it’s okay. You know why? Because our worth isn’t in those things. Those things change. I’m preaching to myself here and I’m crying as I type this because I always need to be reminded of these truths.

If you need prayer for anything, please comment below. I will leave this blog with a prayer that whoever reads this will find hope again if that’s what you needed today. May God bless you for His glory and remember to trust in Him.

Losing weight.

Strong

Before I start explaining myself, I’ll just re-post my Facebook status from this morning: “I’m not in any way bragging on myself, but my thyroid condition caused me to gain 30 lbs in like 2 years. Since being on medication last year I had dropped 10lbs, since I got my blood tests back I’ve been eating healthier and with some light walking, I’m 8 ounces a way from losing another 10 and its only been 2 months. So as of last year I’ve lost 20lbs. It may not seem like a lot to some people, but it means a lot to me. I’m doing it the slow healthy way, trying to make a lifestyle change and not “diet”. I want this to last and to most importantly make me healthier. I could care less about being skinny, I’ve got a wonderful husband who loves me and The Lord who thinks I’m beautiful no matter what. My worth is not in numbers on a scale or what my pants size is. Praying for humbleness ❤ . Thank you God!!”

If you’ve ever struggled with weight, whether it’s due to a health issue or that’s just always how it’s always been for you, I’ve been on both sides. I grew up always struggling with my weight until I got into high school, then I lost it all. I was by no means “skinny” but I was at my smallest weight and being 5’10 tall helped too. I considered myself average, but my teenage insecure self would pick apart her looks. I look back now and wonder why I was never content with myself. Maybe it’s because when you’re in high school you’re constantly around girls to compare yourself to. Now that I’m married and have the Lord, I loved myself more than ever even at my highest weight. I was content for the most part, that was until it effected my health. Thyroids can already work a wonder on your health, but the weight it brought with it didn’t help either. Two months ago after I got my test results back from my blood work I had that harsh realization that something needed to change.

Losing weight is not just a physical thing, but a mental one as well. It’s not easy. Quite frankly it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do because I’m having to reprogram my mind to know what’s a healthy portion. I’ve lost almost 10 lbs on my own besides what the medication has already helped with, but I still have a long way to go. I told myself when I lose 25lbs I’m going to purchase my first Coach purse. Then after I lose another 25 I want to get all new clothes and hopefully plan to have children. It’s going to be a process, I didn’t put on the weight overnight and it won’t go away overnight either.

Some of the things I’ve done so far to lose weight:

– Drink only water (it was hard at first but now the desire to have other things is gone)

– If I have a craving, then I’ll eat it or drink it. My doctor said the worst thing you can do is deprive yourself because you’ll resent eating better.

– Walk at least 1-3 days a week for 25 minutes to 30 minutes

– Eating Cheerios for breakfast (the multi-grain is my favorite)

– Eating only whole-wheat or multi-grain bread

– Staying away from fried foods (esp. french fries, fried chicken)

– Trying to not eat things with more than 30% fat calories

– Actually portioning my food

– Eating more fruits and vegetables, especially at buffets

– Take vitamins (which we should all do because in all of our diets, we’re not getting enough vitamins like we should be)

^^ Every little bit helps. I’m sure I’ll be adding to the list over time, I still haven’t given up my mayonnaise lol. That will be a hard one, I’ve tried the reduced fat and it’s sickening to me. Either way, you don’t have to deprive yourself to be healthier. If you put your mind to something and pray about it, you can do it. I definitely give glory to God because I couldn’t do this in my own strength. So thank you Lord!

MRI results

Stress can be ugly, real ugly. When you’re constantly going through one thing after another… you feel like you just can’t hold on anymore. You can be strong some days and other days you feel like you’ve completely lost it. It’s just amazing how our emotions go from one extreme to another.

Does God answer prayers? Yeah, He does. They’re never unanswered. The answer is either: yes, no, maybe, or not now. After hearing “no” or “not now” for some time I finally have relief! God I praise you father for keeping me in your care this entire time, I know it’s so easy to praise You when things are good… but I’ve learnt to praise You in the bad… and praising You will never stop!

My test results from the MRI came back good, I do have small pimple sized cysts, but they’re not cancerous and I do not need surgery. My doctor thinks the cysts are there because I haven’t had a normal menstrual cycle and that’s because of my thyroids being out of whack. Ever since I’ve been on my thyroid medicine I’ve been having cramps, so I hope that’s a good sign!!!

I feel SO much relief, but I know it’s not entirely over yet because she wants me to see a gyno soon and get a second opinion from her. Since I’m only 22 and she wants me to be healthy to have a baby one day, she’s getting me thoroughly tested to see if there’s any medicine that can make these little annoying suckers go away.

I’ve wanted to cry ever since hearing this news, tears do fill my eyes… but not enough to weep. I think I’m just drained. I think I’m learning to not be lead so much by my emotions or what I’m told. I cannot find complete rest ANYMORE in what people or tests tell me. I can only find that in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He has been my sanity from the start of all of this and He will be to the end. I can’t thank Him enough for having His precious hands over me. Oh how I LOVE you God!!! Okay… now the water works are starting :)! But they’re good! God is the only one who can break my heart in a good way.

I appreciate any prayers that were said for me, I know they were heard. I’m praying for anyone, any precious girl out there who is dealing with the same thing but had bad results… my heart just goes out to you more than you know. There may not be any rest  in what the doctors tell you, but oh man… can God rock your heart!!! ❤

God bless you my lovelies!

– Ashley 🙂

PS: Relief can be beautiful, real beautiful.

The blood work is in.

For starters, I’m currently working on a makeup blog post about eyeliners… doesn’t sound too interesting… but it will be I promise you. I’m done writing it, I’m just correcting things here and there to make sure it’s up to my standards haha.

Any ways… my mom called my doctor today to check on my test results. Well… they got my blood work in… just not my ultrasound (which I’m praying it will come back good!). As for my blood, I have a thyroid problem + my cholesterol is a little high. I looked up thyroid conditions on WebMD and it said that if your thyroids are out of whack it will cause your cholesterol levels to go up. This happens to run in my family by the way… fun stuff!

I have an appointment with my doctor on Thursday, so I’m just praying we can come up with a plan to fix this and make sure there’s nothing more harmful going on with my body. I know for sure they’re going to put me on medication though… but that’s good :)! Even though I don’t like having this problem, it could be worse. I’m so thankful to God!!! You have no idea! It explains so much as to why I’ve not had regular periods, my weight just keeps going up and when I’ve tried to lose it… it just doesn’t happen, my nails have been extremely brittle (splitting down the middle), dry skin, just so much stuff. I told my friend today that it sounds like I’m falling apart haha. Maybe I am in a sense, but I know Jesus will help me pick up the pieces.

I honestly don’t know how anyone can ever go through life and not have God. Jesus is a true Savior, He has not only saved my life… but my senses too lol. I was reading my Bible today in John and Jesus was talking about over coming the world. He overcame!  I can overcome this too… with Him:)! It’s all good and it’s in His precious hands. I win either way. I love you Lord!!!