Never underestimate the power of a good cry. I don’t know about you, but if I’m having a bad day or a bad week I can sense an emotional breakdown rearing it’s ugly head. Don’t get me wrong… I think they have a beautiful ending of relief, it’s just intense. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better. With sore eyes and a stuffy nose, I write this at 1 in the morning and just having had poured my heart out to God.
I don’t know where I would be without my faith in Jesus Christ. He is my rock and my shelter that I take refuge in. I get so upset about the things going on in my life (health wise) but I know deep down it’s all a part of His plan. A plan I have very little hope in seeing sometimes. His ways are not our ways. I don’t want to be so hung up on earthly things that I neglect the eternal and my mission while I’m here on this earth.
God knows the frailty of our human bodies and spirits, He gets it. He doesn’t want us to suck it up and suppress our feelings. “Oh I have Jesus so I should be happy no matter what!” I don’t think so. God is glorified when we give up our control, when we let our face get red and ugly from sobbing so many tears. I see opportunity in being broken, I see how God is using his chisel to chip back the pieces of myself that cling to things other than Him for comfort or for happiness.
There are some days and even weeks where I just feel… blah. There’s times I neglect getting into God’s Word or spending serious time in prayer. Do you ever feel like you just can’t muster up those feelings to be obedient? You’re just tired, discouraged, full of bitterness, or what have you. I fully understand what I’m doing, I get caught up in my flesh and my feelings and I let that dictate my relationship with God sometimes. One thing I would like to state is that I’ve gotten over the whole “God will love me if I do…this or that” phase. I know His love for me isn’t based off of anything I do. His grace is a gift no one can earn.
I was praying today and just being real with God about my feelings. Sometimes as Christians we tend to base our comfort on our performance with God, but I find it scary that the times I’m doing “my best” I’m more liable to look at myself. I become self-righteous. We have to learn that it’s okay to have our down times, that it’s okay to not be hunky dory all the time. We have to re-learn our dependency on God, that we need bad times and bad things to happen so we can reach those intimate moments with Him.
All I know is that I need God and so do you. Be intentional about your sin. Watch your thinking patterns. Watch the patterns in your life where God is trying to take you, trying to teach you something. We go through life trying to speed through everything, thus we fail to reflect on it’s beauty. My prayers are to really learn to love people despite their flaws, because the only side of people I have seen here lately is their ugly one. *sighs* I know He’s going to use this for His glory, in the midst of your aggravations and hurts, remember Who is at hand. He has His reasons and only we can trust in that. Let’s not lean on our own understanding… after all, it’s our thinking that gets us into depression, anger, worry, trouble, etc. We have freedom in Jesus, so let’s exercise that.